


Putting My Love On Standby

by TheGirlInThePinkScarf



Category: Baseball RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe-Retired, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlInThePinkScarf/pseuds/TheGirlInThePinkScarf
Summary: Kris and Anthony haven’t seen each other in a decade and they haven’t spoken for five years. A Twenty Year Anniversary World Series celebration in Chicago brings them back together for a weekend.





	1. Easier Than You Know

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [engine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/engine/pseuds/engine) in the [boysofsummer18](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/boysofsummer18) collection. 



> To make a long story short, I have an injury that prevents me from writing right now, so this fic isn’t completely finished yet!
> 
> But I didn’t want to miss the deadline completely and not post anything, so I decided to split this fic into chapters.
> 
> I’m thinking that this will be about 3 chapters and chapter 2 is mostly finished already.
> 
> Title is inspired by a lyric in “As Much As You Lead” by Lex Land.
> 
> I’d love to hear your thoughts about the fic so far in a comment!
> 
> Written for this Prompt: set some years in the future, maybe even post retirement? they never actually acknowledged the fact that they were attracted to each other, because they were friends and coworkers and it just... didn't seem right. things are different now. well, some things are different now, at least.

* * *

  _Yeah, if you wanted me, you could've had me, baby_

_A long time ago, easier than you know._

**_Could’ve Had Me- Lex Land_ **

* * *

Florida is where Anthony's heart is, but Chicago will always be his home away from home. The minute that he steps off the plane, Anthony feels at peace. The city of Chicago has brought him so many amazing memories and he’s glad to be back. It’s the twentieth anniversary of the 2016 World Series team, so they’re being honored this weekend. He’s excited to catch up with his former teammates, many of which he hasn’t seen since the tenth anniversary celebration. Of course, he kind of knows what everyone is up to though thanks to social media; but the guilt of not being as close to some of his teammates always gets worse around events like these.

The hotel lobby is full of friendly, familiar faces. The first people to approach Anthony are Kyle Schwarber and Albert Almora Jr. They’re the teammates that he actually sees the most often. They’re both college baseball coaches at a school about three hours away from him, so they come to visit him sometimes. It has been over a year since they last met up though. They hug Anthony and ask him where his daughter, Kristina is. He quickly explains that it’s her mother’s weekend to have her. Anthony has custody the majority of the time, so he doesn’t like to cut into his daughter’s time with her mom. He changes the subject as he congratulates Kyle and Albert on how successful their team was last season.

“You should come watch more games!” Schwarbs suggests.

“I really should, especially since Kristina is actually starting to get into baseball now,” Anthony says.

“Don’t tell me that! You know that I already want to adopt her!” Albert mentions.

Anthony smiles. “Don’t you already have your hands full with a five year-old?”

“I do! Although she’s being charmed by Javy right now,” Almora comments as they start walking toward them.

Rizzo has seen enough pictures of Javier online to know that he’s still ridiculously pretty. He still looks like a model and he still has that easy, beautiful smile. When Anthony taps Javy on the shoulder, he gives him a half-hug since he’s still holding Albert and Kyle’s daughter, Kylie in his arms. Javy says something to her in Spanish and she giggles adorably. She reaches for Anthony and claps as she yells “Tío.” He kisses Kylie on the cheek and he strokes her hair affectionately. Javy asks him how he’s doing since he never sees him anymore. Anthony tells him that life is good. It’s not a lie. Sure, he’s divorced and he’s practically a single parent, but he gets to spend most of his time with his daughter and he gets to focus on doing charity work. His life is pretty full, the only thing that’s missing is . . .

“Kris!” Javy exclaims loudly enough to cut through Anthony’s thoughts.

Of course Kris is here. It’s not like Rizzo wasn’t expecting to see him. But he hasn’t laid eyes on him in person in a decade. And he hasn’t really checked up on him in about five years. His blue eyes are still sparkling and his smile is still the brightest thing in the room. He’s in great shape and only the few gray hairs and receding hairline he has show his age. Anthony doesn’t realize that he’s staring like an idiot and that he hasn’t said anything until Schwarbs lightly elbows him. He clears his throat awkwardly and Kris just looks mildly amused. He tells him that he looks good and Anthony can only choke out a “thanks, you too!” in response.

“I think that they’re giving out room assignments right now. Pretty sure that they’re giving some of us roommates again,” Kris says.

* * *

Of course, Anthony and Kris are assigned a room together. This entire weekend is about reliving the past, and back in 2016, they were inseparable. They were America’s sweethearts and the best of friends. They were on top of the world together. That continued throughout the rest of their careers. They ended up both retiring ten years ago; Rizzo mostly due to old age and Kris due to injury. There was a joint retirement announcement and party. Then a few months later, there was the tenth anniversary celebration of their World Series win. Things were still great between them then. Of course, things aren’t technically _bad_ between them now. Not really. It’s kind of hard for things to be bad when they’re not actively talking to each other. Anthony stops in his tracks when he realizes that there’s only _one_ bed in the spacious room.

“Uh . . . guess I’ll take the couch?” Anthony offers.

“You have a bad back, take the bed,” Kris suggests.

“But you have neck problems,” Anthony argues.

Kris nervously bites his lip. “It’s a King. So, we can probably just share it?”

“Yeah, it’s only for two nights. We can manage,” Anthony says.

They both want to shower and change for the festivities tonight. Rizzo decides to unpack his suitcase while Kris goes into the bathroom first. He lays out his clothes for the evening, a nice shirt and a brand new pair of somewhat expensive jeans. Anthony looks at the time and he thinks about calling his daughter. He hasn’t been this far away from her since he retired and he misses her terribly. He decides to just send her a text since she’s probably eating dinner or something with her mom. Anthony is just finishing his message when he hears the bathroom door open. He almost chokes on his spit when he sees Kris emerge wearing just a towel around his still slim waist. It’s really not right how breathtaking that Kris still is.

“It’s all yours,” Kris says.

“Thanks,” Anthony barely manages to say.

* * *

“I need a drink,” Anthony says before it’s time for the team to get introduced to the crowd.

“You’ll be fine,” Dexter tells him.

“Will I?” Anthony asks rhetorically.

Dexter pats him on the back. “You and Kris just need to talk. You have to stop being so stubborn and let him in again, Tony.”

“But—”

“No buts. You’re a big boy and it’s time for you to start acting like it. Adults talk out their problems, they don’t just ignore them for five years,” Dex preaches.

God, Anthony hates it when Dex makes good points. Although he’ll never admit it out loud, he knows that Dexter is right. As kind-hearted and warm as Rizzo can be, he also can be stubborn and he can hold grudges sometimes. He knows that it’s not fair that he never really let Kris explain his side of things, but Anthony was hurt and he let his pain and pride get in the way. This is the perfect opportunity for him to try to make things right again with Kris, because he has honestly missed him. It’s still an instinct for Anthony to pick up the phone and dial Kris’ number after something particularly bad or good happens to him.

He always hangs up once he realizes what he’s doing. He knows that he has to push through all the awkwardness tonight though. The fans didn’t come out and pay really good money to see Anthony and Kris act like strangers toward each other. They came to relive the memories of the 2016 season. So, Rizzo and Kris have to play the part of best friends again. When they go up on stage and sit down at their assigned seats, Anthony notices just how small that the table is. His left leg is completely resting against Kris’. They’re so close that Anthony swears he can feel the warmth from his skin. Their arms are also tightly pressed together as they grip their microphones. He can barely concentrate on anything other than the familiar smell of Kris’ cologne.

* * *

Rizzo normally has a lot of fun during Q&A sessions, but this one isn’t quite as enjoyable for him. This one just serves as a reminder of how much that he has missed over the past five years. It makes him realize that he _might_ have been just a little bit dumb for practically cutting Kris out of his life. When he gets asked if he and Kris are still close, he freezes up. He knows that he should have been prepared to answer this question. Anthony takes a sip of water to buy himself a little time. Anthony nervously gnaws on his lip and Kris senses his discomfort, so he decides to answer the question instead.

Kris places his arm around Anthony’s shoulder. “Me and Rizz are always going to have a special bond. We’ve honestly had an inexplicable connection to each other since the first time we met. I’ve gone through a lot with this guy beside me and nothing can come in between us. We may not talk as much anymore, but I love this dude. I definitely miss seeing him every day.”

Everyone smiles and “aww’s” at Kris’ response, but Anthony has to force himself not to roll his eyes. Rizzo knows that he’s the one who technically stopped talking to Kris first, but it was Kris’ fault that he wanted to initially just take a small break from talking to him. He gets up from his chair as soon as the Q&A is over. He definitely wants a drink now. There’s a private bar area set up for them in the hotel and mostly everyone heads over to it. Rizzo orders a beer before he even turns around to talk to anyone. Dex sits down in the stool next to him and Anthony definitely isn’t in the mood to get lectured again. Not when his emotions are this raw.

“Tony . . . ” Dexter starts.

Anthony shakes his head. “Not now, Dex. Just let me stew.”

“Dude, that’s all you’ve been doing for five years and—”

“When your best friend completely breaks your heart, then you can come and lecture me about the proper way to deal with it,” Anthony snaps.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I just hate to see you hurting like this. Especially because I can tell how much that you still love him,” Dexter whispers as he leans in closely.

Before Rizzo can open his mouth for a rebuttal, he sees Kyle, Albert, and Kris walking in his direction. They’re all laughing and he can make out part of their conversation as they get closer to him. A chill runs down his spine when he overhears Schwarbs mention that he can’t wait to see Kris in Florida next month. He quickly finishes off his beer and then he moves to tequila shots. Anthony’s far too sober for all of the emotions that are threatening to spill over right now. He also needs to put some distance between him and Kris, so he walks over to the other side of the bar where Willson and Strop are sitting. Anthony gives them both a hug and sits down to catch up with them.

* * *

Rizzo definitely gets a little more intoxicated than he originally planned to. He’s not so drunk that he can’t walk. But he does have to ask the front desk what his room number is again. He’s exhausted and he’s completely ready to just climb into the bed and crash. Anthony curses when he opens his door and he sees Kris already in bed curled up with a book. He somehow fucking forgot that he has to share a bed with his reason for drinking tonight. This is totally going to end well for Anthony. He sits on the edge of the bed so that he can take off his shoes and socks. He undresses until he’s left wearing nothing but a thin t-shirt and boxers. He sits on top of the covers because he’s not quite ready to lay down anymore.

Anthony turns toward Kris. “The answer you gave to that last question earlier was such bullshit.”

“What?” Kris responds.

“We’re not close anymore and it’s all your fault!” Anthony tells him.

Kris takes off his reading glasses and he sighs. “Rizz, you’re drunk. So we probably shouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”

“And what did Schwarbs mean when he said that he’ll see you in Florida next month?” Anthony wants to know.

“I was going to tell you about that. I’m moving there,” Kris says.

“What city?” Anthony asks.

“Uh . . . Fort Lauderdale,” Kris answers.

“You and your wife are moving to _my_ city? Wonderful!” Anthony sarcastically exclaims.

“It’s just me and the kids. I’m divorced,” Kris reveals.

“ _Oh_ ,” Anthony replies simply because he’s caught off guard.

“Yeah. I was going to tell you about that, too,” Kris adds.

Rizzo is definitely surprised to hear that Kris is divorced. He’s willing to bet that it was Jessica who broke things off because Kris has never liked confrontation. Kris has never really been able to make the tough, necessary decisions for his life. No, instead, Kris focuses too much on trying to make everyone but himself happy. Anthony used to find that noble. He now realizes that’s just how his former best friend rationalized inaction. Rizzo would have been completely moved by this divorce news five years ago. But now? He just shakes his head in indifference.

Anthony laughs mirthlessly. “You think this magically fixes things? Am I supposed to be jumping for joy because you _finally_ got divorced? Considering the fact that you were supposed to do that five years ago?”

“My divorce was finalized four years ago, Rizz! You would have known that had you not completely shut me out! You never gave me a chance to apologize and tell you that I changed my mind! I broke down and told Jessica everything after you angrily hung up on me that night. I called, texted, e-mailed, and sent you messages on social media. I had even bought my plane ticket to meet you in Vegas. I gave up after you ignored me for like a week. I should have fought harder for you, for _us_ ,” Kris says as his voice cracks.

He finds the courage to look up at Anthony and the expression in his eyes is unreadable. Kris can’t tell if it’s anger, irritation, disappointment, or confusion. Maybe it’s all of those emotions mixed together. Maybe it’s none of them. He reaches across the bed and he hesitantly places his hand on top of Anthony’s. Kris hopes that he remembers. Back when they were teammates who had late night conversations in each other’s beds, they would sometimes hold hands just like this. Kris grimaces when Rizzo quickly, but not harshly yanks his hand away.

“Yeah. I can’t do this,” Anthony says as he gets up from the bed and puts his clothes back on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that things will get better for Anthony and Kris in the next chapters!!
> 
> I’m a HEA girl at heart (especially with Bryzzo), so don’t worry there are definitely happier days in the future!
> 
> Once again, I’d love to know what your thoughts are about this so far.
> 
> Hopefully I’ll start feeling better soon so that I can get the rest of the chapters finished!!
> 
> I also want to give a huge thanks to Eryn for being a great BETA for me. You're an angel and a life saver!!


	2. Somewhere Love Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris blinks back tears. “It’s not that I think you hate me. It’s that I’m unsure if you’ll ever love me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up right where chapter one left off.
> 
> This chapter got way longer than I anticipated, which is a huge reason why it has taken me so long to post it!
> 
> I hope that you all enjoy it anyway!

* * *

_Through the fire and rain_

_Somehow somewhere_

_I know through all this pain_

_Somehow somewhere love remains_

_**Somewhere Love Remains- Lady Antebellum** _

* * *

“Have you ever wanted to kiss and metaphorically strangle someone at the same time?” Anthony asks as he walks inside Dexter’s hotel room.

Dex laughs. “What did Kris do?”

“You knew about the divorce, didn’t you?” Anthony accuses.

“I was one of the first people that he called,” Dexter admits.

Anthony narrows his eyes. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”

“Because it wasn’t my place! I’ve always stayed out of you and Kris’ shit. The two of you tap danced around your feelings for each other your entire playing careers. I never once said out loud how stupid I thought both of you were. I did tell you _multiple_ times to call Kris, you know. You ignored me every single time,” Dex replies.

“You know about Florida, too, don’t you?” Anthony assumes.

“Of course, I do,” Dexter says.

“This is a lot to deal with,” Anthony sighs.

“It is. So, you should get some sleep and then start dealing with it tomorrow,” Dex suggests.

“Can I sleep in here with you?” Anthony half-jokes.

“Absolutely not! Go back to your roommate,” Dex tells him.

* * *

Rizzo is relieved that Kris is asleep by the time that he gets back to their room. The TV is on so there’s at least a little bit of light to help him get to his side of the bed. When he slips underneath the covers, Kris stirs, but it doesn’t appear that he completely wakes up. As exhausted as Anthony is, he just can’t fall asleep. He can’t quiet his thoughts and he can’t stop thinking about that fateful December night five years ago. He swears that he can still remember damn near every detail of their heated phone conversation. It started out so well though. Since they were retired and no longer teammates, Anthony planned to _finally_ make his move.

“ _You owe me a tour of Vegas,” Anthony reminded Kris._

_Kris laughed. “What?”_

“ _When I told you that I’d never gone to Vegas, you said that you were going to show me your city after we retired. I believe you even mentioned something about a wedding chapel,” Anthony said._

“ _The wedding chapel was clearly a joke. But I do still want to show you around! I want to take you to all my favorite spots. It’s absolutely beautiful at night! You’ll love looking at the stars,” Kris replied._

“ _I think I’ll love looking at you in the moonlight even more,” Anthony flirted._

“ _Rizz . . . ” Kris warned._

_Anthony interrupted him. “No, it’s time Kris. I’ve been holding my breath and my tongue around you ever since I first met you. I’m done trying to hide my feelings for you. There’s nothing in our way anymore.”_

“ _Well, I am still married,” Kris told him._

“ _If only there was something that could be done about that,” Anthony replied._

_Kris bit his lip. “It’s not that easy.”_

“ _Who said anything about divorce being_ _ **easy**_ _? It’s not, especially when there’s a small child involved. I completely get it, Kris. It wasn’t easy for me to leave Emily, but it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t fair to me, Emily, or our daughter to stay in a marriage where I couldn’t give my whole heart. I loved both of them enough to do the hard thing,” Anthony said._

“ _I feel like a terrible person for letting this happen. I never meant to . . . ”_

“ _You’re only a bad person if you stay with her knowing that she’s not who you really want. You have to let her go, Kris,” Rizzo said._

“ _I know that I should have done this a while ago,” KB agreed._

“ _I got married young and before I was ready, too, so I understand. But we can’t go back and undo our mistakes. All you can do is make the right decisions going forward. It’s the only way for all of you to be happy,” Anthony reiterated._

“ _She’s not here right now, but I’ll talk to her after she gets in,” Kris promised._

“ _Then you’ll call me back so we can finish talking?” Anthony checked._

“ _Yeah,” Kris said._

* * *

Anthony really doesn’t want to relive how they scheduled when they were going to see each other in Vegas before they finally hung up. More importantly, he doesn’t want his brain to playback the memory of a tearful Kris calling him early the next morning. A choked up Kris who told him that Jessica was pregnant and that he couldn’t leave her. The “and I won’t ever leave her” wasn’t said out loud, but it was heavily implied and Anthony felt it in his soul. He glances over at Kris who’s sleeping peacefully. Rizzo kind of hates himself for still thinking that Kris is the most beautiful thing that he has ever seen. He reaches out his hand and very gently caresses Kris’ cheek before he realizes what he’s doing. Anthony quickly removes his hand and he’s grateful that he didn’t get caught.

* * *

Rizzo wakes up before his alarm and to say that he’s groggy is an understatement. He reprimands himself for drinking so much because the hangovers are so much worse at his current age. Kris has always been an early riser, so he’s not surprised to not see him still in bed. By the time that Anthony gets out of the bathroom, KB has returned. He has two cups of coffee from their old favorite café in his hands. They’re scheduled for brunch with their teammates in an hour, but Kris figured that they could both use some caffeine before then. He nervously scratches the back of his neck as he hands him one of the cups. He confesses that he’s not sure how Rizzo takes his coffee now.

“It hasn’t changed,” Anthony says.

“Good, so you’ll like it then. I still remembered your order,” Kris admits.

Anthony raises an eyebrow. “We’re getting to that age where our memory’s starting to lapse a little bit. Yet you somehow remember my dumb coffee order from ten years ago?”

Kris shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.”

Anthony clears his throat and he takes a sip of his coffee as an awkward silence fills the room. He eventually goes back to his side of the bed to look at the agenda for the day. Of course, he and Kris are going to be joined at the hip practically all day. There’s the team brunch which he’s sure will have assigned seats. There’s another team Q&A with fans and then most of the day will be him and Kris signing autographs, probably side by side. There’s an optional team party to end the night. Anthony sighs because this is the _last_ thing that he wants or needs right now. The memory of their last conversation five years ago is so fresh in his head and it’s clear that he has not healed from those wounds yet.

“I’m sorry, Rizz. I never apologized to you and—”

Anthony cuts him off. “No, we’re not doing this right now.”

“Why not?” Kris asks.

“Because an apology won’t fix things, Kris. Yeah, it will probably make _you_ feel a little better. It might assuage your guilt, but it won’t do a damn thing for me. It’s not going to ease the pain from the last five years,” Anthony tells him.

“You’re right,” Kris softly says.

“You fucking ruined me, Kris. I couldn’t even be with anyone during those years because I was such a mess and . . . ”

Rizzo has to stop himself from talking before the stubborn tears escape his eyes. He turns his back toward Kris because he’s so frustrated and annoyed right now. Anthony jumps in surprise when he feels Kris wrap his arms around him from behind. He could very easily shake him off or just yell to be left alone. Rizzo just closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath instead. He’s extremely touched starved and although he’ll never say it out loud, Kris’ touch feels really good. Kris brushes his lips across the nape of Anthony’s neck and he breathes in his familiar scent. Rizzo always smells like safety and _home_. KB presses his luck by softly asking Anthony to turn around and face him. They’re both surprised when he complies.

“My heart still skips a beat whenever you look at me,” Kris says.

“Kris . . . ”

Kris cuts him off. “Just please let me get this out. My entire world was turned upside down the moment we met, Rizz. When you smiled at me and shook my hand, I was completely fucked. I was never the same after that. I fell for you so goddamn effortlessly and it scared me. You made my life better in ways that I never imagined. Excluding moments with my children, I was at my happiest when I was spending time with you. When I started to realize that, I should have made some different life choices. I wasn’t strong enough to do the right thing, so I created this . . . mess that we’re in. I realize I can never do anything to make up for that. All that I can do is try to move forward and let you know how much that I still care about you. Because I never stopped. I still love you and I still want you.”

Anthony doesn’t quite know what to say, so he doesn’t _say_ anything. He places his hands onto Kris’ shoulders and pulls his body in closely. He brings their foreheads together and their lips faintly touch. Rizzo closes his eyes and he lets himself have what he has wanted for two decades. The kiss starts out hesitant and light. KB is so taken aback by it that he barely participates at first. He moans and he tugs on the collar of Anthony’s shirt once he realizes that the kiss is _actually_ happening. Their marriages and the fact that they didn’t want to mess with team chemistry stopped them from doing this all those years ago. Anthony sucks on Kris’ tongue like he’s desperate, or like he’s afraid that he’ll never get the chance to again.

“We should stop,” Anthony whispers against his lips.

“Should we?” Kris asks.

“Yes, because I’m still a little mad at you,” Anthony reveals.

“You have a very funny way of showing that, Rizz,” Kris jokes.

Anthony rolls his eyes. “Shut up, I’m being serious! I just need some time to sort through all of my feelings, ok?”

“Yeah, take as much time as you need,” Kris says.

* * *

“Am I actually detecting a smile?” Dex asks at brunch.

Anthony playfully hits him. “Ugh! Shut up, Dex!”

“I’m just saying. You look a lot better than you did last night. Did something happen?” Dexter wonders.

“It’s not what you think!” Rizzo says with a slight blush on his cheeks.

“How do you know what I’m thinking though?” Dex wonders.

“I’m going to smash this bagel into your face if you don’t leave me alone,” Anthony threatens.

“Fine, I’ll just ask Kris then. You know that he'll crack like an egg,” Dex points out.

Anthony sighs. “All right, all right. We kissed, but it didn't mean anything. Not really.”

“I highly doubt that a kiss between you two didn't mean anything,” Dexter says.

“I don't suddenly forgive him just because we kissed,” Anthony lets him know.

“Does that mean it was a goodbye kiss, then?” Dex wants to know.

Rizzo doesn’t get a chance to answer because a few of their teammates approach them. By the time that Anthony gets back to his seat, Kris has arrived. He shoots him an easy grin and Anthony can’t help but to smile back at him. While it seems like a lot of things have changed between them over the years, certain things haven’t. KB’s smile has always been the most infectious thing in the world and Anthony finds himself still captivated by it. He looks over to his left and his heart melts when he sees Schwarber feeding Kylie in his lap. She’s old enough to have her own chair of course (a point that Rizzo hears her say loudly), but the table is completely full.

“Can I please sit with you, Uncle Rizzo?” Kylie begs.

“Of course you can, sweetheart,” Anthony answers.

When Anthony sees children this small, he sometimes wishes that he had more than just one kid. Kristina is his entire world, but she’s fourteen now. She’s starting high school next year and while they’re still close, she’s growing up and focusing her time on other things. He compliments Kylie on her pretty red dress and she proudly tells him Albert bought it for her. She doesn’t like milk, so she’s eating her Lucky Charms straight out of the little box. When she offers Anthony some, he takes a few marshmallows. Kris asks Kylie when her birthday is and she beams as she says, “in March like Daddy Kyle!” He mentions that she’s a few months older than his daughter who she will get to meet after he moves to Florida.

“What’s her name?” Kylie asks excitedly.

“Toni. I named her after someone very special,” Kris says.

The orange juice that Anthony’s sipping accidentally goes down the wrong way and he chokes on it a little bit. He tells everyone that he’s fine after the mini coughing fit is over. While everyone jokes about the fact that Anthony named his daughter after Kris, that’s not technically what happened. Jessica had the name Christina picked out for a girl right away and Rizzo just _suggested_ the unique spelling. So, he’s completely shaken by the revelation that Kris intentionally named his daughter after him. Anthony’s brought out of his thoughts when Kylie makes him promise that he’ll come around more.

“I promise!” Anthony earnestly tells her.

* * *

Anthony’s way more relaxed for the Q&A session this afternoon. He assumes that no one will ask a question that will catch him off guard as much as the one last night. Someone does ask if anyone on the team felt uncomfortable with Kyle and Albert’s relationship. He and Kris just look at each other and share an equally annoyed look. The question is dumb in general. It’s especially stupid because it’s not like anyone would admit it. Schwarbs and Almora never had a teammate say anything to them directly, but Anthony knows for sure that not everyone supported them.

“We were out to our teammates _long_ before we came out publicly. And these guys have been great. If anyone had a problem with it, they kept their mouth shut. We definitely had lots of overwhelming love and support and we still do. Our daughter calls Rizzo ‘tío’ and Willy was there when we brought her home from the hospital,” Albert answers smoothly.

“Also, all of these guys are pretty much afraid of me, so they wouldn’t dare say anything homophobic to my face,” Kyle says for comedic relief.

* * *

There’s a break for lunch in between the Q&A and autograph sessions. Anthony grabs his food and then he heads to the room where he’s going to be signing autographs. He can have a little peace and quiet because fans aren’t allowed in there yet. Rizzo wants to take some time to eat and call his daughter. He’s not surprised to walk into the small room and see that Kris is already in there. He’s eating a salad and already on the phone. Anthony can tell by the exasperated look on his face that he’s talking to one of his children. He takes the seat next to Kris and he tries not to eavesdrop too much.

Kris narrows his eyes. “Antoinette Leigh Bryant, are you telling me the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

Anthony can’t help but to laugh at Kris’ reaction to her answer. He clearly knows that his daughter is lying, but he’s letting her continue telling her side of the story anyway. Kris briefly takes the phone away from his ear to explain that KJ has taught Toni that lying is a good thing sometimes. She totally worships her older brother, so he’s having a hard time getting her to break the habit. Kris tells her that he’ll call back later to get the _real_ story about how one of his display cases with some of his memorabilia was broken. He laughs and shakes his head as he hangs up.

“You were smart to only have one child,” Kris jokes.

“Kristina would probably agree with you because she loves being an only child. I honestly wouldn’t mind having another kid running around my house,” Anthony admits.

“It’s a lot of work, but I honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world,” Kris says.

“Why didn’t you bring them with you?” Rizzo asks.

“I’m moving them across the country, so I want them to spend as much time with Jess as they can. It’s not like they’ll never see her once we’re in Florida or anything. Her parents live an hour away from Fort Lauderdale, so she actually makes frequent trips there. I know how much that they love their mother and she loves them just as much. I just wanted to give them some alone time. It’s going to be a huge change not having Jess live like ten minutes away,” Kris explains.

* * *

“I miss you so much,” Anthony tells his daughter.

“I miss you, too. Are you having fun?” Kristina asks.

“Yeah, it has been nice catching up with these guys,” Anthony says.

“You know that I wanted to come, right? That I asked mom if she would fly to Chicago with me?” Kristina checks.

Rizzo grimaces. “Oh, sweetheart. Chicago is a sore spot for your mother. It’s where . . . ”

“It’s where you fell out of love with her, I know. She mentioned someone she didn’t want to see would be there, but that’s all she told me. Did you have an affair or something, dad?” She wants to know.

“This isn’t a conversation we should have over the phone and I actually have to go right now. It’s a slightly complicated answer and I promise that we’ll talk about this more when I get home,” Anthony assures her.

Kristina’s voice cracks. “People only say things are complicated when they’re not telling the whole truth. I can’t believe you would do something like that to mom. I trusted you and I believed in you.”

“Krist—”

She hangs up and Anthony wants to call her right back to explain himself. The thing is that he doesn’t know how to properly explain an emotional affair to a fourteen year-old. Sure, he never kissed Kris and he never _really_ touched him. Those late night conversations where they cuddled and held hands were far from innocent though. When he realized that he’d rather spend his nights with Kris than with Emily, that’s when Rizzo knew that he had a problem. He quickly sends Kristina text reminding her how much that he loves her. Anthony erases the part about how he never meant to hurt Emily. They’re starting to let fans in for autographs and he has to force himself to smile.

“Are you ok?” KB wants to know.

Anthony shakes his head. “Not really, but I’ll be fine.”

* * *

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” Kris asks after the autograph session is finished.

“No, but thanks. I actually need to call Emily. I didn’t see her texts before I called Kristina. She warned me about the conversation she had with Kristina and she apologized for being a little too candid with her. I don’t blame her, of course. It’s something we just have to figure out how to deal with together,” Anthony answers.

“I’ll go find something to do so that you can have some privacy,” Kris says.

“Thanks. I probably won’t be too long,” Anthony tells him.

* * *

Anthony’s flight home tomorrow was originally scheduled late at night, so he switches to an earlier flight. He and Emily are going to sit Kristina down and talk to her after he gets in. Anthony is completely not ready for that conversation. He’s mentally and physically exhausted, so he wants to take a nap before the team party. He doesn’t have Kris’ number to text him that he can come back to the room, so Rizzo texts Dexter instead. He gets a quick response from Dex saying that Kris is hanging out with him. He also lets Anthony know that KB’s number hasn’t changed. Anthony is undressed and tucked under the covers when Kris enters the room.

“Taking a nap?” Kris asks.

Anthony nods. “Yeah, today has been kind of taxing.”

Kris nervously bites his lip. “Can I join you?”

“Of course. It’s your bed, too, remember?” Anthony teases.

“Shut up!” Kris says with no actual menace in his voice.

Rizzo’s laugh at KB’s expense dies on his lips as soon as he starts getting undressed. Anthony _really_ doesn’t want to be reminded that his body still automatically reacts to Kris’. He quickly looks away because it doesn’t feel right practically watching him strip. Anthony distracts himself by turning the TV on. He idly flips through the channels and nothing catches his eye, so he just settles on ESPN. Anthony turns onto his side because it’s more comfortable and apparently Kris has the same idea. He’s staring right into his stupidly blue eyes and Rizzo just shakes his head.

“It’s not fair that you still look like . . . _that_ ,” Anthony complains.

Kris laughs. “Sorry?”

“You’re still so beautiful and I fucking hate it,” Rizzo says.

It’s so hard for him to be angry when Kris and his gorgeous eyes and thick, full lashes are looking so innocently at him. Anthony has never felt so many conflicting feelings toward someone before. He has bottled up his emotions for five years, so he’s not quite finished sorting through all of them. Rizzo wasn’t counting on his past feelings to still have a hold on him. After the first year of being without Kris, Anthony tried to force himself to move on. The fantasy of living happily ever after with KB died during that time. At least he thought it had. He closes his eyes because he doesn’t want to think about this right now. Anthony just wants some sleep.

* * *

There’s a pleasant weight on Anthony’s chest when he wakes up from his nap. He looks down and he notices that Kris has his head tucked into the crook of his neck. One of his arms is lazily thrown across Rizzo’s chest. This isn’t the first time that he has woken up with Kris practically on top of him like this. They used to take naps together all the time and Kris’ ridiculously long limbs always ended up wrapped around Anthony somehow. He doesn’t want to startle him awake, but he needs to get up. Anthony gently moves his arm, but he immediately puts it right back.

“KB, get up!” Anthony tells him.

Kris grunts. “Do I have to?”

“Yes. We can cuddle later if you play your cards right,” Rizzo jokes.

* * *

Anthony showers before he changes clothes for the team party. He’s looking forward to having a few drinks and spending some time with his teammates. He needs a distraction from what’s waiting for him at home. Rizzo finds Albert, Schwarber, Javy, Willy, and Kris all sitting at a table together. Of course there’s an empty chair next to Kris that practically has his name on it. Everyone smiles at him when he takes his seat. He asks everyone how their day went and it’s nice to hear everyone share hilarious and endearing stories. Kris gets up to get himself a bottle of water and he comes back with a beer for Anthony.

“You’ve had a long day, figured that you could use this,” Kris says.

Anthony nods. “Thanks. I have a tough day ahead of me tomorrow, too.”

“What’s going on tomorrow?” Almora asks.

“I have to come out to my daughter and I have to tell my ex wife that starting next month, she may run into Kris at the grocery store. She’s not exactly his biggest fan, so I’m not expecting that to go over very well,” Anthony explains.

“Shit, that doesn’t sound fun at all. Good luck,” Willy tells him.

“I’m sorry,” Kris leans in to whisper.

He rests his head onto Anthony’s shoulder and he lets out a deep breath. Kris knows how much that he has hurt Rizzo in the past. He hates that he’s only making his life even more complicated. Kris lets out a low purr when Anthony softly massages his scalp. He temporarily closes his eyes to relish in the feeling. There aren’t many things that he enjoys more than feeling Rizzo’s huge, but gentle hands anywhere on his body. Kris always manages to feel small and not like the 6’5” man that he is when he’s close to Anthony like this. Dexter awkwardly clearing his throat from beside the table cuts through his thoughts.

Dex smiles smugly. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No,” Anthony says defensively.

“Uh huh. I’d ask to join you guys but there’s not enough room,” Dexter points out.

“Just ask Kris to sit on Rizzo’s lap and then you can take his chair,” Javy says.

“Dude, you’re sitting next to a married couple. Why can’t Albert sit on Schwarber’s lap?” Kris wonders.

Javy smirks. “You realize that you’re practically _already i_ n his lap, right?”

Kris blushes as he looks down and notices how close that he and Anthony are sitting. He must have unconsciously leaned in and invaded Anthony’s personal space. Kris opens his mouth to apologize, but a surprised gasp escapes instead. Rizzo pulls him completely into his lap. He wraps his arms around Kris’ waist and Kris has to take a sip of water to calm himself down. He knows that this doesn’t really mean anything, but Kris lets himself fantasize anyway. He has lost count of how many times that he has dreamed about being in Anthony’s arms in any capacity over the years. Dexter grins as he sits down in Kris’ vacated seat.

“I’ve really missed you guys. We have to make it a habit to see each other more often,” Dex says.

“Yeah, we do,” Willson agrees.

“I think the DJ is only playing songs that were popular in 2016,” Kris notices.

“Of course,” Anthony replies.

Kris and Rizzo stay at the table while the rest of their teammates and get up to dance. Anthony wants to finish his beer before he hits the dance floor. KB isn’t normally much of a dancer, but he will do it as long as he’s in a group. Anthony grabs him by the hand once they’re both finished drinking. Some song that they can’t remember the name of is playing. It’s catchy and it has a nice melody, so everyone is enjoying it. Anthony laughs as he tells Schwarbs that he still doesn’t have any rhythm. Of course, none of them are particularly amazing dancers. The way that Kyle and Albert look at each while they’re dancing is heartwarming though. The song changes to “Hello” by Adele and Kris suddenly looks uncomfortable.

“I don’t like this song,” Kris softly says.

“Really? You used to love it!” Rizzo remembers.

“Yeah, that was before . . . ”

Kris can’t bring himself to say, “that was before I broke your heart.” Of course, Kris ended up breaking is own heart as well. He can’t help but to think about how he may have permanently ruined his and Anthony’s chance at happiness. He gets ready to say something, but he stops once Rizzo pulls his body in closely. Kris hasn’t slow danced in forever, so he feels like an awkward teenager at prom again. He drapes his arms around Anthony’s shoulders as they sway to the beat. A fire alarm could go off inside the hotel right now and Kris isn’t sure that would take his focus away from Anthony.

“I hate how confused that you’re making me,” Rizzo lets him know.

“What are you confused about?” Kris asks.

Anthony gnaws on his bottom lip. “I still have some anger toward you and there’s still a lot of pain. I realize that’s not going to go away overnight. I expected to feel all of that. It’s the _other_ feelings that I wasn’t expecting to come back; the good ones.”

“Of course, that makes sense. We haven’t talked in five years and things didn’t exactly end on good terms. It can’t be easy, especially because I’m kind of forcing my way into your life again,” Kris says.

“I have a really great life, KB. I love my daughter, I love my friends, I love my family, I love my job, I love my house, and everything else is also pretty good. The only time things have been better was when you were apart of my life. I have to decide if I want to be just your friend or not because I’m on the fence right now. I go from feeling like friends is a good idea to thinking about kissing you.”

“We’ve been friends before,” Kris reminds him.

“That’s only _technically_ true,” Anthony agrees.

Kris idly strokes the back of Anthony’s neck. “We’ll move at your pace, Rizz. If you want to start off as friends, great. If you leave here tomorrow and decide that you don’t want to talk to me again, I’ll respect that.”

Rizzo knows that Kris is being completely sincere and that he’s not just telling him what he wants to hear. He doesn’t want to admit it, but Anthony isn’t sure if he’s capable of completely opening up his heart again. He doesn’t know if he can just let Kris back into his life and trust him again. Anthony has doubts that they can recreate the magic from their glory days and he doesn’t want to spend his life chasing after a ghost. He wants another beer, so he politely excuses himself. Anthony bumps into Dex at the bar, of course.

“Am I bad a person if I don’t choose to forgive Kris?” Anthony asks him as he receives his beer.

“No, but I think that you’ll be an _unhappy_ person if you don’t,” Dex tells him.

Rizzo groans. “I should have known that you were going to say something like that.”

* * *

Anthony only has a small headache when he wakes up, so he considers that a win. He turns over onto his right side and he watches as KB’s eyes slowly blink open. They spend a few minutes quietly staring at each other before Anthony actually makes an effort to get up. He reaches for his phone so that he can verify his new flight time. Today is more of the same; a team brunch, more autographs, and then everyone will say goodbye and go their separate ways again. Anthony’s definitely going to miss his teammates after he leaves. Luckily, he didn’t pack heavy so it’s not going to take long for Anthony to gather everything.

“I can take you to the airport if you want. My flight leaves pretty late, so I’ll have time,” Kris says.

“As long as it’s not too much trouble,” Anthony replies.

Kris smiles. “It’s no trouble at all.”

* * *

Rizzo feels a little emotional after he signs his last autograph. He meets up with his teammates in one of the hotel’s ballrooms and he genuinely promises to do a better job of keeping in touch with everyone. Kylie even makes him commit to coming over for dinner one night next week. Dexter gives him a tight hug and he asks Anthony to consider everything that he has told him over the weekend. He has to make his goodbyes a little quicker than he wants to because he has to get to the airport. His suitcase is already in Kris’ trunk, so they just walk straight to his car.

“Did you enjoy yourself this weekend?” Kris asks as he drives off.

“I did, it was better than I was expecting. I forgot how fun being around the guys was,” Anthony answers.

“Yeah, it’s always a good time when we get together,” Kris agrees.

“I try not to live in the past, but reliving our World Series win is kind of an exception,” Rizzo says.

“It was such a magical year,” Kris remembers.

Anthony nods. “It really was. I just wish my daughter was born so that she could have witnessed it.”

“KJ remembers seeing me play, but Toni refuses to believe that I was actually good. She’s probably going to think the Hall of Fame ceremony is one elaborate hoax,” Kris jokes.

“I completely forgot to congratulate you on that. I always told you that you’d make it into the Hall someday,” Anthony says.

“You did, you always believed in me. You’ll be joining me in Cooperstown soon,” Kris guarantees.

“That’s the dream. I ran my body into the ground for baseball, so it’d be amazing to have those sacrifices immortalized,” Anthony responds.

* * *

Kris tries to hide his disappointment when they make it to the airport thirty minutes later. He’s not ready to say goodbye to Anthony yet. He’s afraid that the progress they’ve made will disappear once they go back to their normal lives. Kris isn’t exactly known for being bold, but he’s far too old to act scared now. He gently grabs Anthony’s still muscular arm and asks him not to get out of the car yet. Kris unbuckles his seatbelt and takes a deep breath before he turns to face Rizzo.

“Would it be ok if I talked to you . . . after today?” Kris asks.

Anthony raises an eyebrow in confusion. “Are you asking if you can call me?”

“Yes,” Kris says confidently.

“You really think that I’d say no?” Anthony wonders.

“I just wanted to be sure. I meant it when I said that we’ll do everything at your pace,” Kris reminds him.

“Shit, Kris. I don’t want you to think that I hate you or anything. Of course you can call me,” Rizzo tells him.

Kris blinks back tears. “It’s not that I think you hate me. It’s that I’m unsure if you’ll ever love me again.”

Anthony reaches for Kris’ face and he tenderly caresses his cheek before he wipes away a few stray tears that fall. Anthony’s not always great with words and he honestly doesn’t even know what to say right now. He lightly traces his thumb over Kris’ bottom lip and Kris shivers. Anthony runs his fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck before he leans in to kiss him. The gasp of surprise that Kris lets out gets completely swallowed by their joined mouths. Rizzo isn’t usually very patient, but he’s actually taking his time for once. He moves his hand onto Kris’ slim thigh as he deepens the kiss and it startles KB so much that he accidentally honks the horn. They can’t help but to laugh.

Kris blushes. “Oops! Sorry about that!”

“No, that was on me. I shouldn’t have surprised you like that,” Anthony says.

“God, Rizz. It was _good_. I just wasn’t expecting it. I thought you were only kissing me out of pity, so I didn’t think you were really into it . . . ”

Rizzo brings their foreheads together. “Of course I was into it.”

“You should go so that you don’t miss your flight,” Kris mentions.

“My flight doesn’t leave for like ninety minutes,” Anthony argues.

“You really think I can’t find a way to keep us occupied for that long?” Kris quips.

“You’ve gotten dirty in your old age,” Anthony jokes.

Kris laughs. “Seriously though, I already don’t want to say goodbye. It’s only going to get harder if we prolong it.”

“I guess I’ll see you next month then,” Anthony says.

“Yeah, see you next month,” Kris repeats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a lot that went on in this chapter and I had fun writing it!
> 
> I’d love to hear any thoughts you have in a comment!
> 
> Chapter three isn’t finished yet, but it is my goal to have it finished sometime next month!


End file.
